Eyewitness: National cuss down…

0

…instead of Mash back-balling

Your Eyewitness was quite worried when he heard that, rather than having the usual Mash tramping in the streets of Georgetown, because of COVID-19, there would be virtual performances broadcast to the nation, to remind us of our Republican status. These scripted performances, dictated to some captive Government-conscripted flunkies, are invariably so mediocre that the only possible reaction is to cringe! How would they ever match the solid traditions that have come down to us ever since Mash was invented in Linden back in the day?

Okay, we might’ve huffed the Carnival idea from the Trinis, but our tawdry and cheap – emphasis on “cheap”! – imitation of their floats and costumes gave a whole new (Guyanese) meaning to the words: “kitsch”, gaudy and lurid!! But heck! It was “OURS”, by golly; and who didn’t like it could lump it. For good measure, we later added Jamaican Dancehall “back-balling”, which is enjoyed (and practised) by high and low – even as the performers went down low! Folks brought out their entire families – especially children – so they could learn what it took to be true-true Guyanese!

Well, your Eyewitness shouldn’t have worried. The patriotism of the folks we elect to Parliament knows no bounds. Our Honourable MPs saw the clear and present danger presented to the traditions of our nation, and rose (sunk?) to the occasion to bring back that ole-time Mash feeling! They seized the opportunity presented by the debate on the Budget – which is supposed to lift us out of the COVID-19 pandemic and the business implosion – to rescue the critical task of keeping our Mash traditions alive, and to push it down into depths where no one has ever ventured before!

Their innovation was to introduce the old tradition of the venerable “cuss down” or “buse down” practice that was invented way back before Republicanism was even a gleam in anyone’s eyes.

No, your Eyewitness isn’t talking about the argot of fisherwomen haggling over the price of Banga Mary and Packoo. That’s too tame! Nah…he’s referring to the replication of the banging of pots and pans – while drawers are pulled down – accompanied by imprecations as harridans describe “who took whose man” that was standard way back in the day!!
Yup!! All of this was done right there in our Parliament! Your Eyewitness knows he doesn’t have to repeat the particulars, save to mention that dildos were waved; sexual orientations and practices were cited; gender-bending accusations were hurled, and pants were even pulled down!

And for contrast – to heighten the Mash-saving performances – some points were thrown in about the economy!!
Let us all praise our Honourable House!

…not “debate” on oil production

It’s clear there are some people who believe they’re omniscient, and can predict with absolute certainly what’ll happen in our world in the future. In physics and mathematics, there’s something called the “principle of ergodicity”. Simply put, it says if you know for sure the properties of all the elements in a system plus the variables of its environment, you’ll be able to make such predictions.

The problem, however, is people aren’t atoms – and even these have an inherent “principle of uncertainty” – whose properties we know with certainty. People reflect on their condition, and act consciously to change it. People are “self-reflexive”, so the best one can do is to make predictions about what people will do, and accept we might possibly be wrong.
So, your Eyewitness is taken aback by the arrogance of some “oil experts”, who can categorically declare that VP Jagdeo is ABSOLUTELY wrong on his assessment that oil will peak in a decade, and we should take advantage in the near term before the market implodes.
Are they God?

…on attaining Republican status
The PNC announced it “was empowered by the Guyanese people to bring Guyana to Republican status in 1970.”
The “Guyanese people”, or those horses that voted in England in the 1968 elections?